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In Memory Of

by Kellan Miller

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mon1ka
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mon1ka Lo-fi acoustic emo is something I never thought I would like, but this one is worth checking out even if you don't like acoustic music. 8.7/10

PS. big fan of your voice Favorite track: Makalu Peak.
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    Bonus items include a bonus digital booklet and MP4 download of "Home" music video.
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 5 Kellan Miller releases available on Bandcamp and save 10%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Juvenilia, Sad Acoustic Songs, Seventeener, In Memory Of, and Peace & Tragedy. , and , .

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1.
Makalu Peak 02:36
Have you ever laid there? Dying in a hospital bed? Does anybody notice? Anybody care? At all? Have you ever cried? Each and every night? Will you be remembered? Will anybody care? At all? The warmth of a mother's hug The look in your fathers eyes The arms that once held you Are no longer there Growing up again One day, your children will suffer the same pain If this is goodbye I wish you the best in another life
2.
I woke up in the rain Thoughts of dying once again Broken and ashamed And I'm all that's left to blame, Wait for me But don't waste your time Hear me out But see through all my lies They always say, "just give it time" I can't see it anymore They always say, "it'll get better" Why can't I see the light after this disaster? After this disaster There's a hurricane in my head And in my hand there's a pen I'll spill out all my blood Until there's nothing left to give, Don't hate me now I've already lost it all You're all I got To take me out of this hell They all say, "just give it time" I can't see it anymore They all say, "it'll get better" Why can't I see the light after this disaster? They all say "just give it time" I can't see it anymore They all say "it'll get better* Why can't I see the light after this? After this disaster After this disaster After this After this disaster They all say, "just give it time" I can't see it anymore They all say, "it'll get better" Why can't I see the light after this disaster? They all say, "just give it time" I can't see it anymore They all say, "it'll get better" Why can't I see the light after this disaster? After this disaster
3.
Silica 03:10
Hell isn't hot enough for you to get the ending you deserve I watch you burn, see you smile, no remorse I see you blankly staring into a distance unknown I see you unaware of your surroundings or where to go But your burning at both ends You're a fire that's out of control And you're waiting for it all to mend But you could never let me go Hell isn't hard enough for you to get what you deserve I sit, I watch you burn, see you smile no remorse You turn like the waves And when I think I miss your ways I fucking forget every time you messed with my head All the times I thought I was better off dead You change like the seasons we never make it through You change like the seasons And I don't want drink or think about everything All the pain you deserve By now I guess I'll learn Hell isn't hot enough for you to get what you deserve I sit and watch you burn, see you smile, no remorse, Hell isn't hot enough for you to get what you deserve I sit and watch you burn, see you smile, no remorse No remorse Hell isn't hot enough for you to get what you deserve I sit and watch you burn, see you smile, no remorse When will I learn, If you play with the fire you'll get burnt When will I learn? When will I learn?
4.
Gloom 04:34
Dressed in funeral black In the back of the room Fifty years until I See you soon If Heaven is real I'll pray for you When I look up I see the bright of your moon, A soul lost And a star burnt out too soon It mirrors a reflection, like a panic room Every path I take leads me one step closer to you I said I'd bring you something new by June But I'm stuck in a never-ending bitter gloom Numb to the feeling Drowning in the ceiling Dying in this floor But you waited to leave Now the weight is to heavy To keep on carrying It mirrors a reflection, like a panic room Everyday, is path that leads me one step closer to you I said I'd bring you something new by June But I'm stuck in a never-ending bitter gloom I watched you walk away Now watch me fall apart I siren in this cage You were the light in my dark It mirrors a reflection, like a panic room Everyday, is path that leads me back to you I said I'd bring you something new by June But I'm stuck in a never-ending bitter gloom It mirrors a reflection, like a panic room Everyday, is path that leads me one step closer to you I said I'd bring you something new by June But I'm stuck here forever in a never ending bitter gloom
5.
I'm not coming home tonight I don't know if I ever will So leave on the light And dress for the kill I'm leaving this life behind I'm so sorry I'm leaving you I'll see you in another life I hope you'll remember me too I'm not coming home tonight I'm leaving this all behind The match in the gasoline Will burn your memory And when my time comes The sky will open up And I'll know you're at peace I'm not coming home tonight I don't know if I ever will So leave on the light And dress for the kill I'm leaving this life behind I'm so sorry I'm leaving you I'll see you in another life I hope you'll remember me too You're weighing me off And sleeping me away You've been coming back around for days Just to see if I'm gone I'm not coming home tonight I don't know if I ever will So leave on the light And dress for the kill I'm leaving this life behind I'm so sorry I'm leaving you I'll see you in another life I hope you'll remember me too You'll remember me too Here lies my grave In memory of I hope you'll remember me too
6.
Voices Sound 03:47
The car is running, January cold I feel the tension, but I still have to go Your hand in mine, Tightly I hold Because when I'm gone, my home is with you Always, always Crash into my arms, hold you close to my skins Tidal wave, I can feel again Nothing can hurt me now Or forever more My demons turn to treasure with my voices sound Voices sound Fictionally we walk into a setting sun Because when I'm with you, I can't feel nothing Broke as can be, but when I'm with you with me I feel complete Always, always Crash into the sheets, hold you close to my skins Tidal wave, I can feel again Nothing can't hurt me now Or forget more My demons turn to treasure with your voices sound My demons turn to treasure with your voices sound
7.
Pear Tree 04:00
I started thinking again About that old pair tree In the backyard of my great grandmother's house She ain't doing to well these days, I had to tell her goodbye today And took me back to when I was nine years old In that little roadside house As I lay on this couch I started thinking again And I reminisce all the times we spent I tried seeking god for closure but my closure never came from faith It came by you by my side Singing country songs and taking a long drives I started thinking again They say "the more you love, the less you hate" It only seems true when you're running on counted days And either way these embers grow colder and fade away, They say "change your ways before you leave this place" I don't wanna go without feeling like I lived my days And the ones around will be at peace in my tragedy, Is that all we know? Is that all we need? I started thinking again About that crushed concrete In the driveway of my grandfather's house I haven't talked to him in weeks We usually talk sports, politics or just shoot the breeze And I remember him watching me at five years old I started thinking again About the friends back home who won't remember me And hell knows I'll never forget them Even though I wish I could And that place was my everything It was all of me They say "the more you love, the less you hate" It only seems true when you're running on counted days And the embers grow colder and fade away, They say "change your ways before you leave this place" I don't wanna go without feeling like I lived my days And the ones around will be at peace in my tragedy, Is it all we know? Is it all we need? Is it all we know? Is it all we need? I'm watching the world grow up without me When I thought it would grow around me I saw the world grow up without me When I thought it would grow around me
8.
In practice no one believes we are just animals More to a book than just a chapter Even when we turn a new page As in when we die we're just an object Just a body to weather and decay Yet living on forever in the remnants of age A stone plaque engraved Carrying the weight of memories that clawed on for decades Though they may lose their edge, it was once a sharp blade A collage, a killer instinct of blood stained sheets Painted like a portrait, portrayed like a movie scene Brighter than cotton candy stained sky Cold and alone like the oceans deep Dark, now that light has left us only with shade If we could replay time what would you do differently? Would you change anything at all? Would we ever meet? Would we ever meet? Would you find someone to numb the hurt? Would they let you take their last name? Would we ever meet? Would we ever meet? Would you still be my December? Would we ever meet? Because I still think somewhere deep down I would find you, but would you ever find me?
9.
Home 02:31
I heard from miles away Across this interstate And baby I'm missing you tonight I heard it for years and til this day To where I'll decay And baby I'm not coming home Baby I'm lost along the way Trying to find my way back home Baby I'm lost along the way Trying to find my way back home I felt your pulse, it's bleeding lies That course through my veins One last kiss tonight I saw your peace in this tragedy And tossed it off at sea Now there's nothing left of me Baby I'm lost along the way Trying to find my way back home Baby I'm lost along the way Trying to find my way back home Remember those days you said you needed me? It was one big fucking lie Remember those nights you said you missed me? With him still your mind Baby I'm lost along the way Trying to find my way back home Baby I'm lost along the way Trying to find my way to you
10.
Letting Go 04:55
The ashes we walk upon are the coldest we've felt A timeless face and a long walk through the shadows we are dealt We know this may be a good time but and a sad time to say our goodbyes But letting go has never reached the corners of my mind Each day brings a new night Each night brings new thoughts I wake to different mornings But all I see is dark I don't know if I should stay or turn my back and walk away Tell me there has to be a better way to make you stay I'm not good at letting go In my heart you'll always show, the man you were will always glow I wish I could've made up all the lost time I wish I wouldn't have ignored all the signs I was a better man with you by my side With you gone my secrets have no place to hide Each day brings a new night Each night brings new thoughts I wake to different mornings But all I see is dark I don't know if I should stay or turn my back and walk away Tell me there has to be a better way to make you stay I'm not good at letting go In my heart you'll always show, the man you were will always glow I watched you dissapear from a distance You gave it hell with the fight you were given The hand we're dealt is never forgiving But the way you played, you were always winning I don't know if I should stay or turn my back and run away
11.
In Memory Of 02:49
The memories The memories They're all I've ever known And they're all we have to keep Take a picture for the moment You'll never know if it's your last Like a rerun in slow motion Like you're running from your past I don't know if I'll find you here At the bottom of an ocean But I'll find my way back to you Like I once said And I'm running But you're not far behind Where are we going Once we die? The memories The memories The memories They're all I know And all I have to keep The memories Take a picture for the moment Like the last time around Never know if I'll see you again If you'll ever be back in town I hated saying goodbye the last time Is it your casket Or mine? When I'm running I felt free But I was running from you Not me The memories The memories The memories They're all I have to keep And I wanna find you On the other side Heaven or Hell or in between The memories The memories The memories In memory of The ones I couldn't keep The memories The memories In memory of The ones I could never keep
12.
I'm running away for good About to lock me away I kept the key under the mat I left a place for you to stay Cuz I don't know if I'm coming home again I don't know what it all meant But I remember You and I So perfectly Like the stars we aligned And you ran your fingers through my hair You kissed me on the neck Baby, I guess I'm gone for good But just know I'll miss you to death, oh I'll miss you to death, oh Here lies a memory in stone A grave I dug myself I missed the life I once had Balanced on a shelf And I know it's not calming to hear But just remember that when I'm not here I'm somewhere up above I'm looking down on you You're so beautiful tonight I'm sending letters from Heaven But it won't match my intervention And I'm kissing away the pain Of your and mine remains But baby just remember You were my everything And when you take your final breath When you burn into the sun I missed you to death More than anyone Woah More than anyone I'm laying in the bed I'm writing you this song Just something to remind you Something to keep when I'm gone When we take our final breaths Your image won't bleed from my head And the scars still remain And I miss you to death, oh I miss you to death
13.
In the story of life Death is the only ending Or is it just a spark to a new beginning We pray to gods and fear the unknown Does the unknown carry any credence? Or is the substance enough to withhold? From a young eye, first steps and lullabies No one knows where the journey takes us No one knows how the journey ends No one knows when the journey ends Some live to see others fade Some leave before they have their last meet From a different place do the loved lost ones still the birds and the trees? Do they see the sun shining or rainy days? Do they watch as the oceans waves carry in without them? Or does nothing move on for them except what they left behind? If I were to go before my time, I don't know if I lived out my dream I don't know how I would've turned out I'd be lying if I said I was happy everyday But I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the ride Would they scatter my ashes some place beautiful Or will I collect dust on a wooden shelf in the living room forever? In memory of the ones we could never keep If this is goodbye I wish you the best in another life

about

When I began writing songs for my second album, it was an extension of my previous music. It was love songs and singing about my home town.

However, the last year and a half has been full of loss. Between COVID and other conditions, I've lost a lot of family and friends. All this loss built on me, and then I began writing a song called "Letting Go" with my cousin. During the writing process, my cousin passed away. Then I lost my great grandmother shortly after that. I scrapped what was originally my second album to begin making In Memory Of. Between November 2020 and March 2021, I made the album as a form of therapy. This album is in memory of every loved one I've lost in the last year and a half.

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The Bandcamp version of this album comes with bonus items. Bonus items include a digital art booklet and an MP4 of the "Home" music video. These items are exclusive when you buy the digital album or CD version of the album on Bandcamp.

KM-004

credits

released May 28, 2021

All songs performed by Kellan Miller

Artwork by Jennifer Matts (@lafilletoxique) and Branden Miller (@skellylake)

Additional writing from Branden Miller and Charles Jones

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Kellan Miller West Virginia

"Juvenilia" out now!

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